Saturday, April 30, 2005

Entry 2708 The Prick Theory

You know what I don’t get? I’m at the bar and a country song comes on (well I don’t get that either…but that’s for another time…don’t get me wrong, some of it is alright)…in this tune the singer bemoans—there’s a lot of bemoaning that goes on in country music—that he finally realizes he had a good woman, but he boozed and cheated and lied and stole and wrote bad checks and used the wrong fork at dinner and wore white after Labor Day and whatever, and now she’s gone.

Me, I never did any of that stuff. I was better to all my women than I was to myself…and more often than not I’m still been alone.

Which tells me that I guess maybe I’ve been doing it wrong all this time…perhaps it’s my old friend Brian’s theory proven true…The Prick Theory, he called it. Treat ‘em all like shit…they love that stuff. Every once in a while be really nice, just to throw ‘em off.

I have a really hard time with that.

I want to believe that women are intelligent creatures…I want to believe that they really want the same things I do…to be treated well and with respect, and to be treated as intelligent creatures

Yeah…well I want to believe in UFOs, too.

I have never understood the attraction many women have to the “prick”, the “bad guy”, the one from the “wrong side of the railroad tracks” (is there really a good  side, I ask), the one that will steal money from you and use your car to go have sex with your best friend, and will then dutifully return as if nothing’s happened. The one that drinks all your liquor and smokes all your cigarettes and eats all your food and then wonders loudly when you’re going to the store to get more. The one that…well, you get the idea.

Let me say this for the record…your attraction to these types of men drives the rest of us guys nuts!
YOU SAY over and OVER again that you want to meet a “nice” guy…one that takes care of you and treats you well and with respect etc. But when you DO and we treat you that way, it seems like you get bored. And the nicer we are to you, the faster and more bored you seem to get.

Thankfully this is not true for older women…ie most women past the age of, say, 35. (So there still might be hope for some of you yet!) They’ve been on that amusement park ride enough times to see how it ends, and they’ve had enough.

Thankfully I haven’t had to deal with anyone who was like this since I was in my 30s. I guess this is just a phase some of you go through…God help you if you actually MARRY someone like that, though. To my knowledge there’s never been a country song about a Bad Guy from the Wrong Side of the Tracks who straightened up and started doing really nice things for his woman, like making breakfast in bed for her and actually wanting to go clothes shopping with her and really sitting down and watching movies like “Beaches” or “Steel Magnolias” or “Wuthering Heights” or the all-time worst, “Gone With the Wind”. Ugh.

Yeah like that really happens. From a Pimp to a Wimp. Right.

And who says country music isn’t about Real Life?

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