Entry 2708 The Prick Theory

You know what I don’t get? I’m at the bar and a country song comes on (well I don’t get that either…but that’s for another time…don’t get me wrong, some of it is alright)…in this tune the singer bemoans—there’s a lot of bemoaning that goes on in country music—that he finally realizes he had a good woman, but he boozed and cheated and lied and stole and wrote bad checks and used the wrong fork at dinner and wore white after Labor Day and whatever, and now she’s gone.

Me, I never did any of that stuff. I was better to all my women than I was to myself…and more often than not I’m still been alone.

Which tells me that I guess maybe I’ve been doing it wrong all this time…perhaps it’s my old friend Brian’s theory proven true…The Prick Theory, he called it. Treat ‘em all like shit…they love that stuff. Every once in a while be really nice, just to throw ‘em off.

I have a really hard time with that.

I want to believe that women are intelligent creatures…I want to believe that they really want the same things I do…to be treated well and with respect, and to be treated as intelligent creatures

Yeah…well I want to believe in UFOs, too.

I have never understood the attraction many women have to the “prick”, the “bad guy”, the one from the “wrong side of the railroad tracks” (is there really a good  side, I ask), the one that will steal money from you and use your car to go have sex with your best friend, and will then dutifully return as if nothing’s happened. The one that drinks all your liquor and smokes all your cigarettes and eats all your food and then wonders loudly when you’re going to the store to get more. The one that…well, you get the idea.

Let me say this for the record…your attraction to these types of men drives the rest of us guys nuts!

YOU SAY over and OVER again that you want to meet a “nice” guy…one that takes care of you and treats you well and with respect etc. But when you DO and we treat you that way, it seems like you get bored. And the nicer we are to you, the faster and more bored you seem to get.

Thankfully this is not true for older women…ie most women past the age of, say, 35. (So there still might be hope for some of you yet!) They’ve been on that amusement park ride enough times to see how it ends, and they’ve had enough.

Thankfully I haven’t had to deal with anyone who was like this since I was in my 30s. I guess this is just a phase some of you go through…God help you if you actually MARRY someone like that, though. To my knowledge there’s never been a country song about a Bad Guy from the Wrong Side of the Tracks who straightened up and started doing really nice things for his woman, like making breakfast in bed for her and actually wanting to go clothes shopping with her and really sitting down and watching movies like “Beaches” or “Steel Magnolias” or “Wuthering Heights” or the all-time worst, “Gone With the Wind”. Ugh.

Yeah like that really happens. From a Pimp to a Wimp. Right.

And who says country music isn’t about Real Life?

Entry 2805 The Trouble With Torches

There are things going on that I can't write about...at least, not yet. I am sworn to secrecy. Lives would be ruined, empires would fall…you get the idea.

Kind of makes you wonder why you even experience anything…if you can’t tell or warn others about it.

Maybe the reason I can’t write about it yet—in addition to the whole secrecy thing—is that it’s not done evolving yet. The story is slowly and gradually winding itself to completion as I write. And I can’t imagine a very friendly ending.

I've spent some time here, where we all live...and I often wonder why people do what they do. What were you thinking? I can't tell you how many times I've said those words to someone. My guess is, they just don't know.

Well there’s an old proverb…you get what you give.

Let's turn to this side of the street...here’s something else that’s going on….

I’ve met someone whom I think I might get along with pretty well. Unfortunately she travels…a lot.

Like, every month.

She is home about two days a month, each month.

Ahhhh, but there’s always something isn’t there?

There’s always some catch…some small, tiny but still undesirable quality, feature or condition that brings it down to Earth…makes it less than the wonder and amazement that you think it could be.

See, with you and me…one catch was your complete confusion over relationships…over how I should be, over how YOU should be. We should’ve just BEEN…and that should’ve been enough. Hell, that’s enough for most people. But not us…we want more…sometimes, more than there is. More than this. And, it always seemed to be less than enough for the two of us.

Yes, I can handle the travel. I’m a great torch-bearer, I am. I don’t know if I could have a "normal" relationship, one without some kind of strings attached. There has to be something a little wrong with it…some reason so I can say, "well, it’s what I deserve. I shouldn’t have any more than this. I suppose I’ve done some bad things in this life, and I guess I should just be thankful for what I have." And I light a torch and champion this cause.

I hold my torch high, and with pride. And once it’s lit, I never let it go out.

I’m still trying to put out the torch I lit for you. Just when I think it’s finally dead and there are no embers left…I hear your voice…I remember the musky and exotic smell of your skin, the way your face lit up when you'd smile…and it burns strong and bright again.

And, as someone much more famous than me once said, "Please, don’t take away my pain…it’s all I have!"

Amen, Brother!