Sunday, May 31, 2009

Entry 3625 Reflections On Twenty-Plus Years Ago, and a 'Flooded Basement'

I often ponder, and look back in retrospect--while I am in that shadowy, blurry place that exists just before we sleep, or at that moment when we find ourselves drifting off in midday--I often recall the times in my life that are most significant. There were times when certainly there were periods of turbulence...both pleasant and not.

The year 1987 was one such was once best described, the best and worst of times. It's been spelled out on here some time ago just how ugly the first part of 1987 of the saddest and lowest parts of my life.

And if that was the worst, then the second half had to be one of the best...a new city! A new life! Every day shining with the brightness of a new penny...each day clear and crisp and full of promise! Truly, a chance to start fresh.

See, I left Great Sadness behind--my life that could have been--and wasn't. My life, now. Or, more precisely, then.

But in my new city I was beaten down, emotionally, over and over...perhaps made to pay for what I had left behind. I sought out Love...and when it seemed I had found what I thought could've been the start of it, I was embarrassed that I could be so completely wrong.

It's been said that one of the marks of a good life is the ability to look back with little or no regrets. You make the best decision you can at the time, and go on from there. I know much more about the future now, as I have grown into it, gone from the past through the present and into it.

There is one thing that I wish I would have known--that my continuous search for Love would go on for many years; and when at last it ended (because I had all but given up), that which I was looking for so fervently would come from a most unlikely source.

And I think of my search--constant, driven, perpetual. But, ultimately, no new doors were opened, no new love appeared, no rest came to me. I had resigned myself that it was not for me; that I--who wanted a family more than most could imagine--would be alone the rest of my life.

How strange it is that when we have given up--the path to Love is clear. It is lit with the light of a thousand stars.

And so it was...with me.

Thanks to you.

But...we have always been together. Until our Rediscovery--we were only unaware.

No comments:

Post a Comment