Thursday, July 14, 2005

Entry 3039 A Lingering Sadness

Today marks the seventh anniversary of the passing of a dear friend.

I don’t want to spend too much time on this…I’ll write more on it later, I’m sure. Even though it has been that long, I will become consumed with grief. Still. But it would not be fair to him to not mention how much he is missed.

There are stories throughout history of man’s closeness to certain animals…how these creatures somehow transcend the barrier between man and beast.

Khi Nutzho was such an entity.

Brought to our house as a stray cat in 1984, Khi came with me from Pennsylvania to Arizona in 1987. He was my closest friend, and often a great pain in my existence, as well.

He passed away on this day, July 14 1998, at about 2 am. He had recurring problems with his colon…it would become flaccid, and stool would back up. He had two trips to the vet for this condition. After the first one we were advised that he should have an operation to remove the flaccid portion.

I mulled over this decision.

I traveled much in those days. I could not watch him as much as I should have…I trusted others to do that for me. So I could not be sure that it was not going to happen again…was he eating? Was he able to use the litter box and successfully pass his solid waste?

About six months later it did occur again…this time much more seriously, as it had been causing a stool backup for about six weeks. He turned yellow, as jaundice and liver disease set in. Such an operation was not possible now…at least, until the liver disease was alleviated. The vet did not have anyone there to watch him overnight…so we brought him home that evening…and he never recovered.

He died in my arms. I said, “God, do what you want to me…but don’t take away my 'little boy'.” 

But He did.

I administered CPR, and actually brought him back for a few seconds. But he cried…he cried out to let him go. And, then he was gone.

A few nights later my work took me to Ajo. I sat outside my motel room in the dark, drinking to help relax and soothe the pain. As I began to slip into a sort of twilight unconsciousness I thought I saw him...he was running toward me, meowing and calling out for me.

How I wished it was him!

I have tears in my eyes now as I write this. I miss him so.

Perhaps someday we will be reunited...until then, God bless you, my close friend.

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