I have become convinced that my own demise is imminent.
Don't be shocked, the several of you that read my words regularly. Don't notify the police, or call the Suicide Hotline.
What I mean is...old friends that I haven't heard from in years are re-appearing. And, I am making peace with the Past. Not that I've turned over the proverbial New Leaf, and stopped being a recluse...I didn't know where they were or how to get in touch with them. And the Past? Well...as Don Henley says, in "The Heart of the Matter", "you keep carrying around that anger, it'll eat you up inside." Not wishing to BE eaten up inside, I realized, shall I say, it was better to make peace with the Past than continue to hide or run away from it, or deny it. Perhaps, in a Greater Power sort of way, that is why this is happening, these old friends reappearing.
First...after 16 months and against my wishes, my ex-fiance MJT sent me a text message. Why, against my wishes? Mostly, because she has her own life, her new family...and I have mine. I wasn't sure of her intentions...and anyone who's been a close part of my life for at least the last five years knows how that's often been a problem with her.
So...what to do? Well, after careful consideration and against the advice of nearly everyone, I decided to text her back. And...since then it has for the most part been pleasant. We mostly talk about computers and tech stuff...which is what we always had in common anyway. So, it's good. I say, for the most part...because there are times when I realize why we aren't together any more. Also...there are often traps...which I am very careful to avoid.
And, if I had made peace with the second-most important relationship I've had...how fitting that I should also have the chance to make peace with the most important one. She is discussed way at the start, in The Introduction, May 2004...and also in Entry 2035, June 2005. This re-connection begins thusly: suddenly, one day, there was an email...from the person I knew as CS...now CW. I've stayed in touch with her Dad for all of these 24 years...and now I am back in contact with her. Again, she has her own life...and I have mine. There is a lot of pain there, still. But it is great to share memories and old stories again (even from 2400 miles away)...and there are things to tell her that no one else would understand...because of occurrences that only she was part of, 24 years ago.
There are no words to describe how huge this is, our re-establishment of contact. No matter what else happens, a gaping giant chasm that was in my life has been filled. One of my very best friends and one of the very best people I have ever known is part of my life again.
It isn't just about relationships either...two other old friends that I've been wondering about have re-emerged from the Mists of the Past (or...insert your own overused cliche here). One of these was a Conductor on the Former Party Train (it used to be called the Drunk Train...but times change, you know)...and PE is back (although of course she would say she never went away) ;). This is one of the few people who can make me quite literally laugh out loud...I've really missed contact with her. While most of our "adventures" actually occurred before then, she was a very large part of that period in Summer 1984 that I've since named The Best of Times, The Worst of Times (with all due apologies to Charles Dickens)...and someday the account of those months will be written about here.
I can't say much about my other long-lost friend, yet...he just send me a message on FaceBook saying he saw me on there. He's a friend from high school days, who had moved here from Ireland. Yes...that Ireland. I lost touch actually while still in high school, as due to his outside-of-the-US education he had different courses than me. But...yet another person who was missing and now...is back.
So...I guess I should be happy and just accept that these missing friends are finding me again.
AHA! BUT...You People (wherever you are), that Control These Things...you can't fool me. I know this is just so I can make peace with this World and tie up these loose ends before I am on to Someplace Else. Someplace, that is said, is Another World, another Plane of Existence...and is therefore much better.
Someplace...like Phoenix...or, Los Angeles. =)
No comments:
Post a Comment